In this article, “Should ‘Slut’ Be Retired”, Leora Tanenbaum, author of “I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet”, says that even though using the word slut to express yourself in a somewhat defiant way, reclaiming and accepting the word as a non-derogatory statement is “too dangerous”. She says that too many people see the women who are called sluts as a “shameful, disgusting woman who’s out of control sexually, and needs to be put in her place and deserves to have bad things happen to her, including being sexually assaulted”.
Tanenbaum says this term also has deep-rooted historical connotations when applied to women of color. The black woman was seen as “inherently slutty”, and, as Farah Tanis explains, that when applied to black woman, it comes with a reference from the days of slavery, when these women were items of property and were stereotyped to have an “insatiable” sexual appetite and that “Jezebel could never be raped”. Accepting “slut” would be accepting these racial connotations that come with it.
Rather than focusing on the word itself, we should go to the source of the problem. Criticizing how society views women and their sexuality on television and in movies is something that is creating this mindset of a hypocritical double standard from the “patriarchy”. Being prudish is looked down upon, more so today than in the past, but being sexual can earn you the title of a slut. This pressure isn’t just coming from men and boys, but women too. As Tanenbaum states in her book “I Am Not a Slut”, she describes the pressure women get from their peers and how hard it is to maintain a “good slut” status. “In some social circles, it is compulsory to achieve ‘good slut’ status. A girl must behave like a ‘good slut’ whether she wants to or not.” But “once a girl achieves ‘good slut’ status, she is always at risk of losing control and becoming known as a ‘bad slut’” who is ostracized and shamed.”
Many women have experienced being called a slut and it means many different things to many people, so how do you feel when it applies to you? Who do you feel is putting more emphasis on Do you think is it right to accept this term as an expression of sexuality?
Feminism and Women's Bodies 
I’ve never been called a “slut”. At least, I’ve never been referred to as a “slut” to my face, or if it has, it’s never been with the full weight of the word. I’ve been called a “slut” jokingly. I think this is mostly because I don’t LOOK like a slut: I’m tiny with a round face. I dress pretty plainly, if not conservatively. I joke that I look like I’m twelve. I could be the sluttiest slut out there (if you define a “slut” as someone who has a lot of sex without self-respect, which is how I personally define it—by the way the article never actually defines “slut”, which I think is an important missing component) but you’d never know it, because I just don’t look like one.
Which makes realize that “slut” is inherently connected to the way a woman presents herself. “Slut” is often a stereotype based on appearance. When I think of a “slut” a woman in skin-bearing club-wear and excessive makeup comes to mind. However, it’s really not fair to assume that this image of a woman is a “slut”, just as it’s not fair to assume that I am not one. I agree that we need to “go to the source of the problem”: society. Sexuality and image don’t always add up. We need to change the way women and their sexuality are presented in society, mainly in the media.
@littlehorseisbigdeal, I mostly agree with you but I have a question about your definition of slut. You say that you define slut as “someone who has a lot of sex without self-respect”, but then you also talk about how people shouldn’t really be judged based on their appearance. But why would you mind what somebody does with their body if it doesn’t affect you? If someone has sex unashamedly, how do you know that they have no respect for themselves? I feel like your idea about not judging someone’s personality based on their looks is similar to calling someone a slut: You shouldn’t judge someone’s personality or how much respect they have for themselves based on how much sex they have.
@littlehorseisbigdeal Good point that the article never defines “slut.” That’s definitely an important component that I think needs to be outlined. I’d mostly agree with the rest of your comment too. I think it’s interesting that you define slut more on the premise of how you look versus what you do in your free time. For me, a “slut” would be more about what a girl chooses to do sexually. However, going off your comment about judgment, I personally choose not to use the word “slut” at all. I think it’s offensive and a horrible ploy to shame women about the personal choices they make. That being said, I also believe that we have the ability to choose how much power certain words have.
Does a slut have to refer specifically to a girl?
The problem with the world “slut” is that it describes such a double standard. While I sort of agree with the definition having to do with one’s actions, the concept behind this world is ridiculous. It’s often said that if a girl sleeps with multiple guys/girls she’s a slut, but if a guy sleeps with multiple people he’s the man. While women to recognize that yes, maybe that guy has hooked up with a lot of girls, but the worst you can say about a guy in reference to his sex life is “yeah he gets around.” Girls are often shamed for being too sexual, and that to me is ridiculous. It’s interesting how we refer to girls as sluts but also how they are so often sexualized in the media.
I totally agree about the double standard:and it really is an equation that will never add up. Girls are supposed to be pure, Guys are supposed to be players, and of course no one is supposed to be gay, so what’s the solution?? Either girls are looked down on for having sex, or guys are looked down on for not having sex. I think it’s time that people stop worrying about what other people are doing (or not doing) under the covers, and focus on what feels right for them.
I agree that society views sluts more based on appearance than actual act. Either way it is not okay to call anyone, man or woman, a slut in my opinion. People can wear what they want and act how they want and still not have to face the ridicule of demeaning name-calling.
Not only do I not use this term, I also reject the entire premise of a “slut.” I feel you defining it the way you do only gives power to the people who use it. Your definition, along with the entire word, is offensive and off base. Also, no one “looks” like a slut, so your comparison to yourself is also highly offensive to women who choose to dress a certain way.
To me, the discussion of the word slut and the intra-feminist undermining the article discusses relates back to something we talked about in class yesterday: the decentralization of feminism. Feminism is not predominately a group mentality, but something that is lived out individually with one’s set of rules instead of adhering to a group’s standards. Another way to put this would be the rise of the Libertarian Feminist, explained rather nicely by J.A. Fisher on the Being Feminist blog here:
We have moved away from telling people how they should act, how they should dress, and so on and so forth. Which, personally, is a nice direction for things to be heading. Let people live their own lives. It is their life to control and we should not judge them for how they live it. Also, I liked what @littlehorseisbigdeal said above, that it is unfair to assume what people’s sexual habits are based on how they look. And even if they are more promiscuous, it is not fair that we should judge them by it. It is often easy to assume things about people that are not necessarily true, and that is not very nice. Everybody love everybody.
Having being a called a slut many times before, I’ll tell you now that boy does that sting– especially when it isn’t true. I didn’t know skinny jeans and a chunky sweater was showing “too much skin” or screamed “I want the D”. Oops, well now I know I guess! I totally agree with what lilsebastian said about the word “slut” being the way a woman carries herself. I think its wrong for people to judge someone based on what they wear because to me, the word slut has more to do with the “actions” she performs, thus going back to the way a woman carries herself. In all honesty I am very pro-sexuality, and I feel like a woman who loves to show some skin, or likes to hang out with guys more than girls, shouldn’t be deemed as a slut. For many years now, women have been shaming themselves because they don’t jiggle in the right places, or aren’t toned enough to their liking. But what about the women who are happy with what they look like no matter what size, and do want to wear shorter skirts and tighter clothes? Is it right for men and women to deem her sexual and aesthetic confidence in herself as slutty, just to bring her down to the ground again? No. On that note, I also feel like the the word “slut” is often used by women. Why? I think it’s because some women may be jealous, and want to justify themselves. In the end, penguinsocks is right– Everybody love everybody. 🙂
I myself do not think I’ve ever been called a slut. I think, in my experience, it has been used as more of a “joking” term like when my friends and I would try on outfits at the mall and we would be like “oooh that’s too slutty” or “look at you, you slut!” as more of a term of endearment, which I now see sounds odd. As I’ve grown up, I realize this word is stigmatized in a certain way and I am very against “slut shaming” as I am a firm believer women are free to express themselves sexually and do whatever they please. In an ideal world, this would come without judgement. But, we live in a patriarchal society and unfortunately this term has been adopted as something men can call women once they deem them worthy of it by how much they’ve slept around. I think it has a negative connotation and needs to be stopped in that sense. When directed at a woman with intentions to make her feel negatively about herself, that is where the word “slut” holds power. I think it really is about how much power we give the word. If, one day, we live in a world where sexuality is a lot less important then maybe the word “slut” will have retired. I personally think it serves as nothing but a negative term, but other people would say that it allows a woman to label herself if she chooses. I will never forget watching “Mean Girls” for the first time and hearing Tina Fey utter that unforgettable quote ““You’ve got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.” I think we’ve allowed men to have the power when it comes to this word, and ultimately it is probably best for us to work to give it less power.
I just used the Mean Girls quote in my blog post, to make a similar point, thanks for the inspiration!
But is it just the patriarchy that is applying these connotations to the word, or do you feel other women, specifically outside your group of friends, are also judging and using slut as a derogatory term? Do you think these women push this negative image of the word slut more than men?
Women definitely use the term slut in a demeaning way towards other women outside of their friend group. Maybe not to their face, but its definitely used. I’m guilty of this, most girls are. It’s become a part of our society to shame girls for sleeping around. The term is also used with anger or jealousy. Maybe you call the girl your boyfriend cheated on you with a slut, but is she actually a slut? Or maybe you call your ex boyfriends NEW girlfriend a slut because you’re jealous.
First of all, I love Mean Girls. And that quote is fantastic. However, I do not agree that it is okay for guys to call girls sluts and whores and Tina Fey may suggest. I feel like men should grow up to learn how to respect women. Technically, if a woman is a slut- they’re not doing anything to prevent it. But thats not the point. I feel like the word can and should be used with a tweaking of a definition. Instead of a girl who sleeps around a lot, a slut could be a girl who looks smoking hot (in reference to what you were saying earlier about you and your friends trying on clothes). I think it would be better instead of giving the word less power, to alter it.
I feel as thought being called a slut has a lot to do with the intent. If a girl has a lot of sex and someone calls her a slut, it’s somebody intending to be malicious and shaming that girl for the decisions she makes. When I talk to my friends about my personal experiences, some of them will call me a slut in a joking way but I still feel like there’s no way to fully exclude the feelings of shame that come with being called a slut.
I’ve attempted to reclaim this word myself. I call myself a slut, because to me a slut is a girl who is in charge of her sexuality. I’m in charge of my own body and sexuality, whether that means choosing to have sex or not. I will call myself a slut, but I think it’s still such a complicated situation because of the social implications of being a “slut”. It’s very difficult to reclaim this word and separate it from the problematic aspects of its use.
Going off of @slytherinchick, I personally didn’t know about the roots of the word until this article. I agree that redefining the word can bring a new, more positive context to it however, you bring up a good point that ignoring the origins and roots of the word is more difficult than just trying to change its connotations.
Part of the problem, I think, is that the etymology of this word IS being ignored. The origin should serve as a deterrent for using it in the first place. I don;t really think this word can be turned around or twisted to mean a positive thing socially, ultimately.
I agree @riches296. Eliminating the word, as the article suggest, is probably the most appropriate approach, especially when it’s not as understood as it should be and has such negative associations.
I really applaud your decision to be unabashedly yourself and reclaim the terms slut and redefine it in your own way, I think that every individual who does what you do is a part of a larger movement that fights to destigmatize the word. A lot of people maling individual, empowering decisions goes a long way to fixing the problem. You go, girl!
I really like @littlehorseisbigdeal and @slytherinchick ‘s comments about the definition of the word “slut,” and noting how it does not actually get defined in the article. I think this is am important note because people often use this word as being synonymous with promiscuous, whore, or bad person. I do understand that many people want to stop giving the word power, but I think taking a more sex positive approach and integrating that philosophy into feminist ideology would be a more successful venture. Taking a word that has so many negative, and especially racist connotations from that past and trying to “de sensitize” it is not a winning strategy, due to the pain which that word really does still cause people. In summery, I think there is one quote from that article that really describes what I’m trying to say, ““The word itself is a terrible word,” she added, “but it’s not necessarily the focus. It’s actually the root causes that are the problem that we should all be working on.” This was spoken by Ms. Wilson from the article. I want to also address a bit more of what @slytherinchick talked about in her second post, because I do think that intent plays a large role in any word choice or discussion about etymology. I understand that point, but also taking charge of sexuality and being sex positive, or even being positive about not having sex in today’s society is a matter of making that decision and not using language like “slut” that would seek to demean others for their choices. I think the main problem is that when men hear women using that word, even in a positive way, they think that gives them license to use it. I’ll quote Ms. Norbury from Mean Girls and say, “you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.”
fluffybunnyslippers, I see what you’re saying and I do somewhat agree that being sex positive involves getting rid of harmful language and encouraging others to stop using it, too. I think a lot of my own motives behind using the word is that it sometimes opens a dialogue with people where I can explain to them my point of views. In some cases, me calling myself a slut can be empowering and I feel like it can even potentially take away the power that some men try to have in using the word slut.
The word slut to me has many different meanings. I don’t entirely agree with the author that the word slut “should be retired”. I agree that its historical connotations dean it to be a very offensive word but I also believe that the meaning of a word can change over time. I think using the word slut in an empowering way can change not only the words own meaning but also the general views of women in terms of its definition. I know this sounds confusing and I will attempt to elaborate. When I am with my close friends I admit that we do throw the term slut around. But i don’t think its an insult. If my friends call me a slut or vice versa we tend to react with pride over shame. Although I think many women react the same way as my friends in their tight social circle I do completely find it offensive when men refer to women as sluts. This is not because they are using the word slut but more due to the double standards behind their reasoning for calling a women a slut. With these two instances it is hard for me to decide whether or not the term slut should be retired. On one hand I believe we are in a changing society where we can take terms like slut into our own hands and change their entire meaning completely but on the other hand I know the internal pain and anger that ensues when a male calls another female a slut. Is it possible that the word can become acceptable in only certain scenarios or is this a be all end all question where the would should be completely retired or embraced?
I feel like this word among with other terms are much more based on the situation one finds themselves in. If I’m kidding around with my friends, then I wouldn’t have two thoughts about one of them calling me a slut. Even if it was one of my guy friends, I probably wouldn’t have an issue. However, if I was in a heated argument with someone in a class discussion and they pulled that out: I would like to say that I would just sit there. Knowing me I’d probably start getting personal with them. It very much depends on the relationship one has with the person, such as when deciding to refer to a professor by their first name of Prof. xyz. There’s an appropriate relationship in which to use that term.
However, I hope that future generations would be able to embrace the word as just simply that- a word. Cutting it out of our vocabulary at this point is somewhat impossible. Yet, I believe that future generations can mature and understand that words are words.
I think a comparable problem is how often the word “bitch” gets thrown around as well. Girls call each other bitch ALL the time, and it seems cute and friendly and maybe a little cool, so it becomes something girls call their friends. And because everyone wants to feel accepted, that circle widens until we are all calling everyone a bitch. But whilst making its rounds, the word does not become less offensive. It just kind of hangs there with its negative connotations until it’s forgotten and gotten over. Then everyone is desensitized, and that makes us feel like it’s okay, but it is still offensive. And the fact that it is still offensive is apparent because it is still used as an insult to both men and women.
Part of the harm of the word slut is its implications, which seem from the already posted comments to encompass a lot of different things including the way a girl dresses to the way she carries herself to the amount of sex she has to the amount of partners she has had. They are all connecting to the idea that this girl is inappropriately publicizing what is meant to be private. I don’t really think the word needs to be reclaimed. I see it as different from words that have been reclaimed by the LBGTQ community that as helped their movement, for example. I think it should be retired and the judgment should be replaced with compassion and understanding.
@riches296 I really like your point about how this situation is very similar to the uses of the word “bitch” which also makes me think about the uses of the word “ho” and how that word is also similar to this situation. While I do think that it helps women by using these words casually to feel less offended by them, I agree that either way they are still offensive when used as an insult.
I think it’s a great idea to use the word slut in non-derogatory ways. I know that many people probably disagree with me, but I think that women using this word to describe themselves and using it in non-derogatory ways almost lessens its negative meaning. I think that if women use this word in non-derogatory statements, they are reclaiming it and creating a connotation that is less demeaning and disrespectful to women. In the article “Should ‘Slut’ Be Retired?”, North says “The word “slut,” says Leora Tanenbaum, has changed. Once largely derogatory, she writes in her new book, “I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet,” the word has become a way for girls and women themselves “to assert a positive, even defiant attitude about their sexuality.” Whether Tanenbaum agrees with this or not (which she doesn’t), I think that this is a great way for young women to feel better about the word ‘slut’. Since when is it “dangerous” for women “to assert a positive, even defiant attitude about their sexuality.” This is exactly what we are trying to do in society, create a culture where it’s not out of the ordinary nor a bad thing for women to be sexual. I understand the concern of this word that is described in the article in regards to the history of the word and the past connotations, but I think this change of definition is exactly what young women of today need, a way to take this derogatory word away from our society.
How do you think we as a society will be able to change this stigma the word slut has? Should we start using slut in everyday language, like we do “bitch” (as mentioned in a previous comment”)?
I think that it’s possible to do this. I think that it’s obviously a slow process but by using this word casually, it may make women more comfortable with the word, and over time, even when used in a derogatory manner, it could be less offensive.
Personally I have never been called a slut and would never be proud of myself if I were. Despite reclaiming the word, slut id still a derogatory, negative word use to describe one another. From what I have seen, the word is generally used by women to shame other women. Instead of claiming a negative word and turning it around, women should use words of empowerment and if they honestly have nothing good to say then they should say nothing at all. Woman on woman ostracization only hurts works to our detriment. If we stopped using the word to condemn one another, men will too. When men hear us call one another “sluts”, it gives them a reason not to respect us. “Sluts” aren’t taken seriously, they aren’t respected and sluts aren’t considered wife material/working girl material. So despite the belief that “sluts” have more fun, the term is still negative. Lastly, to me is no such thing as a good slut or bad slut you cannot change the connotation of the word by adding good to the front of it.
I find your comment really interesting. It makes me question why we want to take back the word and make it a point. This isn’t a way to respect another woman, and there are other ways to complement one another, so why do we need to add the word “slut: to our repertoire?
I think we should reclaim the word “slut”. I feel this is the perfect opportunity to take back the idea that women should not be outwardly sexual and shut up the people who think a woman’s sexuality is anyone’s business but their own. In a perfect world no one would discuss anyones sex lives- men or women. In a feminist world everyone would treat the sex lives of men and women equally. Its the stereotypical image of boys high-fiving each other at the numbers of girls they slept with while girls to keep it a secret or to be judged even by their friends at their number, but this is outdated. The lines between gender and sexuality are being blurred and along with it the socially acceptable gender ideas on sex. Ladies be a slut or a prude and boys you do the same, it is your choice and quite frankly no one else’s business.
I completely agree with you; especially when it comes to the part about being treated equally. I do not like anyone judging or labeling anyone based on their personal decisions, especially something as private as their sex lives. Even if someone makes their sex life public (for instance some celebrities) they still should not be judged nor shamed for it; their personal actions do not effect or hurt anyone else. I think the more open and accepting our society becomes correlates with the betterment of human nature.
Frankly, I do not see the need for the word or the use of “slut” in a world where everyone is accepting and nonjudgmental. Since you accurately stated we do not live in that world, I can only see reclaiming the word slut if it is applied to both males and females. With that, if people want to embrace and empower themselves with the word, let it be. Good for them if they feel positive or confident about the label.
I think that the word “slut” is not the issue, but the system of double standards that exist in the way we express our sexuality. I’ve been called a slut before, I’ve never taken offense to it. Usually its by my friends when we’re joking around about sex and boys. This is fine with me, but I also know that if it wasn’t & I asked them to stop, they would. The issue I have isn’t the word “slut,” its the shaming of it that was discussed before. Why girls should feel like they have to apologize for having sex openly & freely, even though it is the single-handedly most natural social act our bodies could ever perform. People have already commented about the double-standard in society, so I don’t feel like I have to go into it further. My main comment is that the word slut is not the issue, its the act of shaming committed by men and women alike.
I completely agree with this comment. Though no one has ever called me a slut before, the idea that a woman should be demeaned because of the choices that she makes with her own body seems completely ridiculous to me. Furthermore, though I have heard people judge men for their sexual promiscuity, it hasn’t really been as malicious as the judgments passed on women that I’ve observed. Sex isn’t just natural, it’s literally vital to the continuation of the human race. Though I think it’s a good idea to reclaim the word slut, I think the most important thing to do is alter the mindsets of people in our society to understand that no one deserves to be mistreated or thought less of because of their personal decisions.
This article was, in my opinion, a bit all over the place, so I just want to focus on one aspect: Ms. Tanenbaum asserts that right now, re purposing the word “slut” is “too risky,” or a task better left to a more accepting future. I think that the logic of waiting until the word slut is de-stigmatized is flawed, because there will always be people and places that aren’t accepting, and if we wait for everybody to become enlightened before re-using “slut”, we will never be able to. Case and point: the word “queer”, which was originally a slur used against LGBT individuals, has now be taken back by the LGBT community, which has been a very powerful step. Did we do this because homophobia, and people who using “queer” derogatorily have disappeared? No, we did this because it is a way to empower ourselves. The word “slut” should be given the same treatment. This being said, it is important to respect other people’s personal preferences, and someone who does not wish to adopt the “slut” label as positive should NEVER be made to feel uncomfortable by having it used towards her as part of an overarching social movement, because the goal of such a movement would be to make women feel safer and respected, not attacked.
I completely agree with how slut should be re-labeled so that it is empowering. Ive said this before and I’ll say it again, the word slut should definitely be re-defined. It could not only make a woman feel more respected, but could definitely make them feel empowered.
What is your current definition of slut? Does it have to do with strictly the way a woman is sexual, or does appearance matter?
I personally think that the concept of the term slut is archaic. This totally plays on the idea that not only are women property and prospects for men to claim, but that they need to remain “Pure” and “innocent”. This audacious double standard that men are both able to and encouraged to pursue a very active sex life with numerous partners, yet women are shamed if they have sex at an arbitrary “early age” or with whatever would be socially considered too many partners. Stifling female sexuality is just another way to conserve the traditions of the past which include the tight and choking control over women. I don’t think this can be chalked up to being a problem perpetuated by either men or women entirely, I think all parties are responsible for this horrendous factor of modern society. I also dislike the term “Slut shaming” because that says that people should not be judged for being sluts, whereas the real issue that should be addressed is the presence of the term slut and the facile attribution of the title to any woman that expresses her sexuality in a manner deemed “unlady-like”.
Many of these past comments have gone towards accepting the word slut, changing the meaning behind it, and using it as we use the word “bitch” (as riches296 mentioned), but could we do this for all races? Referencing the article, “slut” has different, harsher connotations when applied to different races, so would society be able to overcome the stigma behind the word for all of these races, especially in the black community where there is so much history behind the word when applied to a black woman?
Personally I do not think that society will be able to overcome that, because no matter how many people use the word “slut” as empowering or even as joking, if there are still people using it negatively it will be a word that is detrimental to society.
I think we need to take a step back and look at what the author was trying to accomplish in this article and blog post. Personally I disagree with a few of the points that were made. I see the point of the article being to convince people that slut is a derogatory word whose meaning can’t be mitigated by women claiming it as their own, or by being introduced into common speech like the word bitch. I don’t see the word itself as the issue here. In stead its the culture of shaming people for their sexuality. If we remove the word from our dialogue then something else will replace it. The author makes this point, but then criticizes society in ways that I find unfair and that makes a lot of assumptions in the process. First of all, I don’t think any normal person would think somebody “deserves to be sexually assaulted.” This wasn’t a big point of the article, but I think that the context of slut shaming is blown out of proportion with assumptions like that. Later the blog talks about a hypocritical patriarchy and then criticizes female peers. Which group is to blame? I find it confusing because slut shaming is a huge problem, but both genders approach it in nuanced ways. For instance the difference between being a “good” and “bad” slut bothers me. I can’t give sympathy or benefit of the doubt to women who don’t want me to judge their sexuality when their flaunting it for some social boost trying to be perceived as the “good kind of slut.”
As a man, I’m not even sure what that means exactly. It seems like women place expectations on each other just as often as men do. Speaking as a man, who is called a slut surprisingly often, I find that men don’t really care how open women’s sexualities are and won’t waste time talking about it. I don’t want to sound ignorant of the pressure men do put on women’s sexuality, obviously there is, but not in the context of slut shaming. The article is trying to encourage us to obtain from shaming women, but I can’t see any constructive points. The key to changing the perception of “sluts” is for women in that position to realize that slut shaming happens because other people are jealous and feel threatened. The word doesn’t mean anything if you don’t let it…. That “screw you I can do what I want” mentality is what works for men, and it can work for women too. The term itself is meant to be cruel, so I don’t think anyone could accept it as a way to define their sexuality. Honestly, I find sexuality to be something very personal that other people will never understand or even care to empathize with you about. Define sexuality in your own terms, and don’t let other people get to you. That’s how slut shaming will become a thing of the past.
I want to highlight one of your statements : “First of all, I don’t think any normal person would think somebody “deserves to be sexually assaulted.””
Unfortunately, I cannot agree with your refutation of the claim about “slut” having this kind of connotation. Perhaps no “normal” people think that way but there are plenty of other people who do (which negates the concept of normality). Slut shaming and saying someone “deserved it” for the way the dressed or acted is very prevalent in society. I think the word slut definitely has this connotation, no matter how some one meant it.
Whenever someone refers to me a “slut” it is usually my best friend and I having a bitch off and trying to call one another the worse thing possible and laughing about it in the end. However, I have never been called a slut in the way someone thinks I’m a slut (at least not to my face). Having said that, I don’t think I would really give two thoughts about it if someone did. I know what I am, and I know what I am not. A slut isn’t really what I aspire to be and therefore I don’t think I am one. I also don’t take many things personally. However, there are some women like my best friend that if you told her something like that seriously to her face, she might believe you and feel shameful. Now this is the wrong thing to be doing to young women. Women shouldn’t feel ashamed if they are sexually active, experimenting or even sluts. It’s the 21st century, and men throughout the ages have been known to have more than one partner or spouse, women shouldn’t feel obligated nor shamed to do the same.
I definitely feel like society is putting ore emphasis on the word that it really is. Many years ago, being a slut was almost like putting as scarlet letter on your chest. Now, I can think of at least 5 worse phrases for a woman to be called. In my opinion, I believe society is too stressed by hiding these phrases and images of female sexuality instead of educating young girls and women about the female sex.
I don’t honestly have an opinion if one uses the term slut in an empowering way or not. Personally, if I were called a slut I would definitely say “takes one to know one” and walk away. I feel like this word among many other words implying a woman is sexually active are blown way out of proportion. They are just words.
I really despise the word “slut” and how it has been a word ingrained in society for so long, so much so that I find myself using it without really thinking. I don’t want to be a person who uses the word, or even believes that the “slut” exists but time and nurture have down their number on my subconscious. “Slut” is a hard word to figure out because while we know it is mainly, mostly, directed at women it can be for different reasons. You can be a slut because you’re too promiscuous. You can be a slut if you dress promiscuously. You can be a slut just because you pissed someone off. It’s an insult, more often than not, but it all depends on context.
The word should be retired. It is sexist, since it primarily refers to women. And old school in a day and age where women sexuality is being brought to light and becoming less taboo. The word should definitely not be “reclaimed”. Personally, if someone called me a slut in a funny, just kidding way I’d still be offended. It sets the wrong image, this idea that women should try and hide their sexuality all because they don’t want to be marked as a ‘bad slut’ as if it even exists. It begs the question why men can be promiscuous with no social repercussions but women cannot?
I think that @philthechamp brings up a lot of good points, I especially agree with what he said about how in order for slut shaming to become a thing of the past we need to define our sexuality in our own terms, and the way to begin is not to use a negative word. Sure intentions may be good and using the word in a positive way may be empowering, but in the end it’s still bringing back negative connotations with malicious historical context. It reminds me of how many youth will refer to each other as “nigga”, and though it’s a cultural thing and is generally accepted by society, it still has negative connotations and connections. I’m going to cite an anonymous subject in a Humans of New York post who says, “Where I grew up, everyone called each other ‘nigger’ all the time. It was meant to be endearing, but I don’t think that it’s healthy. Words have energy. If you were to refer to a child as ‘satan’ his entire life, how do you think he’d turn out? So I’m trying something new, whenever I see someone I refer to them as ‘mister’ or ‘missus.’ I’m trying to put that energy into people.” That may not be the quote of any scholar or known figure, but when I read months ago it resonated with me and I believe that you can easily sub in the word “slut” where he said the word “nigga” and the message will stay the same. I’m for expressing sexuality in any way you want, just do it with pride and without perpetuating a derogatory word.
Whenever I think of the word slut, I do not really think of it being used in a jocular or funny way. I can just see it and hear it coming from a man with such hate and vileness that it upsets me. That is just the connotation that my mind associates it with.
I’ve been called a slut a couple of times. I am sure some of them have been done in a jocular way by a friend but I can promise once or twice they were not. Speaking specifically to men utilizing the word, I feel like it used with such hate if they feel like a woman disrespected or wronged them. In my case, I think I brushed off some guy as I was walking down the street and he got mad, and called me “a stupid slut.” It came off his tongue so easily and did not seem to bother him at all. For him, the statement had no gravity to it; it seemed to me that he uses it often. I felt rattled a little bit because it was said with such hate that it scared me; it scared me that he was capable of not just words but also of actions of hate.
I don’t think I have ever used the word slut in the “derogatory” way, and by that I mean in reference to a woman who has copious amounts of sex. The problem with “reclaiming” a word though is that I still had to qualify my usage of it as not derogatory. It will take a while to not have to qualify offensive words that are trying to be reclaimed such as slut and the n word.
However, in the comments of the NY Times article, someone asks, “Who gets to decide if a word should be “retired”? What are the consequences for using the word after it’s banished?” This definitely poses a problem with words and semantics. Even if we do retire slut completely, my cynical self still believes it will still be used by whomever sees fit. The n word is still used negatively and “non”-negatively even though it is mostly socially acceptable. In all, I am all for retiring slut as an insult, but I’m not sure, seeing as words are extremely powerful and transcendent, that we can completely do away with it.
Furthermore, I agree with SerenaVDW that the problem doesn’t really lie within the word, but rather the system of marginalization that the word represents. It could be possible to have the word slut 300 years down the road with a completely different meaning.
Obviously people can’t just banish the word and its magically fixed, it takes time and effort on the individual level. Consider the word “retard”, historically it’s been used large-scale as a derogatory term, yet do to the awareness and effort from many people to be conscientious it now is not a term that is quite as prevalent in society. Its use is often even considered to be socially deviant, so hopefully with time the words “slut” and “nigger” can be mostly eradicated as well.
Society’s expectation of women, from a sexual standpoint, is to be attractive and charming enough to attract several suitors, but choose selectively. Choosing too few, none at all—or simply not being attractive or charming enough—results in society labeling a women prudish. If she chooses too many, she is labeled a slut.
To many, including OP, this presents an inherent double standard. This notion arises out of the fact that society does not require men to choose their sexual mates selectively. It is acceptable, if not encouraged, for men to have a multitude of suitors within a given period of time. This comic (http://9gag.com/gag/3317618/the-difference-between-a-stud-and-a-slut), although exaggerated for the purpose of satire, represents a common counterargument.
Several posters such as @TheKoala have correctly pointed out that it is impractical or immoral to try to eradicate the word from people’s vocabularies by “banishing” or “retiring” it (see http://banbossy.com/ to learn about the “Ban Bossy Movement”). Others have mentioned that the so-called nonderogatory, playful manner in which “slut” is used only serves to perpetuate the negative connotations just as much as the positive ones. Just as society evolves over time, so do language and the meaning of words. It is for this reason that the nonderogatory usage of the word is perhaps a boon to the feminist movement, since it distracts from its traditional judgmental, shaming definition.